I mean we used to go out and then go back to my place or her place and... What I mean is we never talked. It was like we had to have sex to fill in the silences." I see. What happened to Chloe?" Well, when my problem came up - or actually stayed down, if you'll forgive the expression, she split." And what did that suggest to you?" That she wanted regular sex and I wasn't providing it?" So your relationship was entirely based on sex?" I suppose it was, now you say it." And how do you feel about that?" Great! I mean what man wouldn't? No complications, no emotional hang-ups, just good old fashioned bonking!" I see. What happened after Chloe?" I met Rachel. It was fantastic for a while, six or seven weeks at a guess, and then back came the problem." Tell me, Ben, do you still have the desire or does the desire go along with the, er, performance?" Oh no, I want to do it. I want to do it like crazy but the old equipment won't co-operate." Are you concerned about your size?" What????" Have. I hope so. Whether She would know that for blokes like me, wanking was all I did, I don’t know. I doubt She would know that I’d cum in my underpants just looking at girls. Of course when I was obsessed with a girl as I was with Her, cumming in my pants watching Her was what I longed to do. Every day I’d dream about it, becoming consumed by it, and eventually prepared to take big risks to make it happen. But ensuring that She knew when it happened was not an option – the fall-out from that would be disastrous, meaning loss of my job, ostracisation, risk of beating by boyfriend, etc etc. It would not be until I was in my 40s that I was able to openly cum in my pants in front of a girl, and that started by accident anyway. She took me by surprise so I couldn’t control or hide it, and it was only because She wasn’t the slightest bit bothered that I was able to do it again and again – my first ‘worship in person’. So to make that dream cum true, I loitered in the corridor, watching Her.
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